I am an addict.
I have taken up my very own battle against alcohol and I know it’s not an easy one. Not only out of medical or psychological perspective, but also in the way it is perceived in our western society. It kind of swings between a major belittling of the issue:
“a drink won’t hurt you? Come on” / “it’s just a matter of will power.” / “Don’t spoil the atmosphere.”…. it just does not work for me.
This can lead to a sort of exclusion of some circles, also for the reason that you become people’s mirror and trigger issues they deep down know share with you. It also displays pure conditioning via societal pressures and images of alcohol, which are anchored deep down in the bios of the way we interact with each other. To get this straight, I am not against alcohol and in a way I envy people who can control the substance and just enjoy.
And there is the image of the “under a bridge living – badly smelling and out-of-control” type. It hurts ones self esteem and the way you are perceived living with this illness. I have learnt that we the quitters – the ones that do something about it, “we” are the strong guys. Even if we fail (what I am not planning on).
I am hereby stepping out of the anomity. Yes, alcohol was and it is a huge problem for me, even after being sober now for over 13 months, I will have to live with it for the rest of my life. On the good side of things: after having poisoned by body, my relationships and my professional life for years – I feel fantastic now. Never have felt as beautiful (which is purely subjective ;). I do work out almost every day now.
One thing sobriety does not do however is making your hair grow back … but I can live with that.
My problem has created a lot of damage and I am sincerely sorry and apologise to the ones I have betrayed and/or hurt. It wasn’t the real me – just a pale shadow.
Cheers (may I still say that? Yes I can).